Confidence Brief Coaching Demonstration
Hey guys. Welcome to the Saluber Coaching Show. Helping you make wellness a priority. My name is Dr. Matthew Blaylock. Today we're going to continue the brief coaching series, and as we begin, I want to ask you a couple of questions. Have you ever held yourself back because you struggle with fear? Have you ever limited yourself because you're not sure that you're going to be able to do something? Do you have a regular struggle inside of yourself because you just feel like you're not going to be able to get what you want? A lot of times people come to me with comments just like that, and the root of a lot of these things is because people lack self-confidence.
What is Holding People Back?
They're not sure about themselves and their ability to do something. And, that is one of the biggest things that hold people back in their life. It's not that they actually couldn't do it if they applied themselves. It is that their fear or their beliefs or their thoughts about themselves and what they're capable of – their potential – that is holding them back.
A Word of Caution
Now to be clear from the beginning, there are certain things that you may not be competent or qualified to do. I'm not suggesting that you have a belief in yourself and tomorrow you go perform brain surgery, or you try to fly an airplane. There are certain skills that you need to develop in your life – certain competencies that you need to have. So, we need to separate self-confidence from self-efficacy.
Self-efficacy is the belief that you are capable of handling a situation. You're capable of being able to accomplish something if you apply yourself to it. Would you be able to study hard and learn in medical school in order to become a neurosurgeon? That's a question of self-efficacy. Could you take flying lessons and learn how to pilot an airplane? That's a question of self-efficacy. The skill part is the self-confidence. Do you have the confidence? Do you have the skill in order to be able to perform something? So, once you separate those two, you begin to see it comes down to a question of beliefs.
Beliefs About Yourself
And to begin, what do you believe about yourself? What do you believe you're capable of? There are certain things that you may not be particularly gifted at doing? For example, I'm not a singer. I would love to be a singer. I love music, but if you heard me sing just a few bars, you would probably turn off this video. I don't have the gift – the talent – to sing. Now, I am confident that I could go get voice lessons. And, I might be able to improve my voice a little bit to where people say I don't completely suck. But, people are never going to say that I have a pleasant voice when I sing. Same thing with musical instruments – I don't have the ability to play musical instruments. Well, I could learn. I can pick up a few chords, but I'll never be a talented musician. Same thing with drawing or painting – I just don't have the talents to do that. I could maybe improve my gifts a little bit, but I would still fall way short compared to people that have natural talents. So, realizing that there are some potential limitations in your life. You could try something and maybe not be particularly great at it. That's okay. But, there are things that you might be able to apply yourself and be excellent. You may be able to be incredible in some particular field, and the only thing that's holding you back is your belief about yourself.
Worst Case Scenario
So what may be holding you back? What would be the worst case scenario if you tried? What could happen? You could what fail? That's possible. You may not get the results that you would like to get the first time you try. It’s called learning, and there's nothing wrong. That's part of the learning process. What else could happen? Rejection – yes possibly. People could not like what you're doing. People can not accept what you're doing. What's the worst case scenario in that? Is it worth you limiting yourself? Is it worth you not taking the chance because of the concern of what other people might say? What else could possibly happen other than you do not achieve your goal or people's opinion is negative, or they may reject?
Is It Life or Death?
What else could happen? Are you putting your life on the line? Is it something that you're going to die from if you try? I don't know your context. I don't know your situation, but most situations are not life and death? Most people build things up in their mind, and they consider that it might be even worse than dying if they tried, but in reality, that's not true. Think about the person who is too afraid to ask somebody out on a date or too afraid to ask their boss for a raise. What could happen? Are you going to die from it? Probably not. Is there a potential to learn from the situation if you try? What will you learn if you play it safe and you do not ever try? What's the benefit for you?
I can tell you that you will regret the things that you don't attempt in your life much more than the things that you try and you may not succeed in doing them. So again, what is it that may be holding you back? You don't have confidence to lose weight. You don't have confidence to try a new sport. You don't have confidence to go out on a date with someone. What is it worth for you to continue to be safe to not try but to never achieve your goal? You know the old saying – you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take. So, what would you like to do in your life?
What is it going to take for you to begin to believe in yourself? What would you have to do? How many successes would you have to have? How many goals would you have to achieve in order for you to feel like you are ready to achieve this goal that you want in your life? Are there resources that you need? Do you need to learn something? Do you need to practice something? Do you need to get a mentor or a tutor or a coach in your life in order to help you? What is the thing that's going to help you get over this hurdle? Realizing that you are holding yourself back is the first step, and number two is, what resources do you need? If you have the resources and you have the belief, then you are ready to try.
Failure Is a Lie
The last thing that I can suggest is that the whole idea of failure is a lie. There's a concept that there's no such thing as failure – there is only feedback. When you try something, and you don't succeed, that's not failure. That doesn't mean that you need to quit. That means that you learned something very valuable. You learned how to not do something in order to achieve the goal that you want. It just means you pick yourself back up and you try again. The whole Thomas Edison and 10,000 times to make a light bulb – there is wisdom in that. Getting back up and trying again and not doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Learning from what you've already tried and trying a different way with a new plan with a new set of behaviors. That is what's going to help you learn to achieve your goals.
Confidence Competence Loop
There is confidence, and there is competence. And, that makes this loop that goes between the more that you do something, the more competent you get. The more competent you get, the more confident you get. And, the more confident you are, the more competent you feel to try new things. So it's a feed-forward cycle. It goes up and up and up. The best thing that you can do today is to just begin and try. So what is that thing that you would be willing to commit to trying today? That thing that scares you just a little bit. That thing that you feel maybe just slightly out of your reach. What will you commit to try today even if you don't feel confident? Would you be willing to take the step and give yourself the freedom to fail?
Let me know in the comments down below, what is it that you would like to try? What is it that scared you until now, but you're going to put yourself on the line and try, and then learn from that experience. We’ll start a conversation about that topic of confidence and what it's going to take to help you achieve the goals that you want in your life. Until we meet again, my name is Dr. Matthew Blaylock. Be strong and live well.